The challenges of a growth mindset

I have a fixed mindset

Oh, self-reflection. Oh, mirror of my mind. I’ve developed a fixed mindset.
I’ve become a statue carved in stone and my chisel is out of reach.

I’ve heard about this elusive state called the growth mindset. You see, people who have a growth mindset believe that even if they struggle, their abilities aren’t set in stone. But concrete has long since set around my feet. I am no dancer. I am mountain, ground down to sand.

There are many challenges to achieve a perpetual growth mindset.

This is my journey through the dark days to reach a positive space inside myself.

I hope by shining light into the caves of my internal landscape, I can make your journey a little easier.

Setbacks

I’ve been facing setbacks in the pursuit of my dreams. But rather than seeing this as an opportunity to improve.
I feel defeated and daunted by the prospect of trying again. I do not know when I became like this.

A growth mindset embraces challenges and keeps working through obstacles. A growth mindset learns from criticism, rejection and setbacks. The growth mindset can find inspiration to improve after failing. Sounds great, right?

Intellectually, I love the idea of being a lifelong leaner. But sometimes, it feels good to complain.
It releases tension. Picture this: the energy to overcome problems is a waterway moving towards the ocean.
But erosion is a thing. Storms are a thing. Sediment and slash are a thing.

All those other forces can block and clog till eventually the flow comes to a standstill.

Perhaps, in a state of exhaustion like mine, complaining is the easiest possible path to restore movement.

Pressure and momentum

A stone is a stationary object. A master of stillness. Until something applies pressure and momentum.

My brain is hard wired to seek pleasure. Hard wired to find the path of least resistance, even if this runs in the opposite direction to my goals. When my body encounters a stressful situation, it enters into a state of freeze.

This is a recurring pattern. Wherein my nervous system needs to calm down before my mind can return to a state of safety.
It is only then that I can continue to work.

Let me give you an example. I’ve been working on my website. I’ve been trying to figure out how to add a search bar into the header. I do not consider myself to be technically minded and I am quickly exhausted by trying to find the solution.

If it turns out to be more than a couple of clicks then I get frustrated. And annoyed.

I turn towards self-critique and blame. I have thoughts like it’s too hard. I don’t need it anyway.
There must be something else going on here. How does everything seem to come easily to everyone else?
It’s a horrible loop to be stuck in.

What can be done about this?

While I don’t control the challenges I face, I do have the opportunity to decide how I respond. A growth mindset can be developed.
That is, if I catch myself in the middle of toxic behaviours. I could purposefully introduce a pattern interruption. Something that would shake up my routine.

I could do this by taking myself on a micro adventure. Something as simple as changing environments can work wonders.
Especially if it is an activity which engages the body. Returning to the body is a way to work through difficult thoughts.

Exercise generates energy. Energy that is necessary to change my mindset.

Locating the body

Where is my body while I am writing this?
Being stuck in a thought loop means being stuck in my mind.

I am writing this on the dry edges of a duck pond. Like always, I am drinking coffee. Like always, I am watching the water. It is stagnant. Murky, brown. An obvious habitat for the ducks. Behind this, there is a rose garden. A waterless fountain sits in the centre of the flowers. Behind this, there are three bridges cross the pond.

Locating my body within my writing process feels like a meditation. It draws me down from the mind to the body. I already feel better.

Making a living as a poet

But my mind escapes the mediation. My thoughts are strong. Anxiety rises though me like a wave.

I am thing about the demands on my time. The work I should be doing. An article that needs writing. A story that demands finishing.

I need to scratch together a living. How can I make a living as a poet?
As a nature poet. As a fraud. I doubt myself constantly. This is the other, demanding side of a fixed mindset. The body refuses to think of anything other than what is already is.

Where is my body?
It is sitting in the sunshine. The darkness is hours away.
I allow the sun to fill my body with light.

Pattern interruption

An eel interrupts my thoughts. It is a welcome invitation. I could feel myself getting stressed.
There must be eels in the duck pond. They must be tame. I’ve heard rumours about them eating ducklings.
I also thought they preferred fast flowing water. But perhaps, they were introduced for our watching pleasure.

There is an art gallery beyond the café courtyard where I sit. There is a particular painting that I want to see again today.
It enraptured me yesterday and I want to see if it moves me again today.

I knew that when I set out on this path of being a freelancing poet, it was going to be hard. Harder than I ever thought possible.

I am currently challenging myself to solve these problems.
I am challenging myself to work towards a growth mindset.
I will write again soon with my attempts to improve my mindset.

With love, always love
Harley.