Google Review: Pak N Save. Thames.

I was already weary as I rounded the roundabout in my best Mitsubishi Diamante. My intention was to park like a perfect oblong between the white lines of your asphalt. But my rubber wheels had a different idea. I don’t think you noticed but I noticed you. Tall, magnificent, yellow: Pak’NSave. I took great care as I crossed the car park. I was not so easily shipwrecked by the KFC on the corner. Nor by the hamburger horizon of McDonalds. Tonight, my thoughts were on you, Pak’nSave. Tonight, I was in charge of cooking.

My Starbuck’s girlfriend was in the passenger seat, spinning with a headache that no paracetamol could cure. My plan was to dash in and get out. She would wait in the car with a book. But I underestimated the drag of your wonky-wheeled trollies over the smooth linoleum floor. No matter. I already had bananas, celery, apples all within my grasp. Then I remembered my mission: rescue a chicken from the freezer.

Pak’NSave, did you know that entire families live out their lives between your Weet-Bix aisles?
Or that you have no signage to warn us about the children that lurk like crocodiles beneath the chocolate shelves?
Or that you provide no complimentary sunglasses to stop your bright lights from melting brains into migraines?
Pak’NSave, what will be waiting for me when I finally discover the whereabouts of your freezers? What are the coordinates for your chickens? I am running out of time.