Random Reviews

These are not your typical reviews. They are gonzo, honest and unhinged.

Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell

Google Review: Best Ugly Bagels. Auckland Airport.

Do you remember when we met at Auckland Airport? You said that you can always rely on Good Joe. I trusted you, Joe. You were hanging out at Best Ugly Bagels. I was wearing a cowboy hat and I gave you my name and all the pennies in my pocket. Joe, why did you want to drown me in milk? Did you think that would disguise the bitter taste of your bean juice?

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Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell

Google Review: Starbucks. Hamilton.

I’ve accomplished something monumental by finishing my first Grande Green Tea Latte. I had to work through slurps and sips and scoops of cream. I pushed as the sugar smashed against my brain. I squashed the internal rebellion of doubt that arose from my teenage anti-consumerist politics. I’m in my 30’s now and it’s a revelation to find joy in something that once made my stomach twist.

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Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell

Google Review: Belly Worship. Auckland.

I’m not a spiritual man, not anymore, not after I popped a rib while practicing a backbend at the behest of a certified teacher. I’ve even stopped going to temple night at the local. The last time I went to a yoga class, I held my tongue while all the Lulu Lemons said namaste. Yet, I cannot help but feel an abundance of light above me.

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Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell Google Review, Gonzo Harley Bell

Google Review: Pickle and Plum. Te Awamutu.

Me and my girlfriend had been driving the backroads since early in the AM and we hadn’t packed any snacks. No sandwiches. No chips. No nothing. Just pure hunger driving us across the country. We finally stopped in Te Awamutu. My girlfriend wanted a Strawberry Matcha from Starbucks. But I told her, babes, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, how about Burger Fuel?

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